Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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