Can i not drive my cunt home
I am spending my child support on dildos
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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