i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
