I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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