Dude my mom stole all your condoms
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
