ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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