Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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