he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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