im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
