You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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