so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
