Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
The best revenge is premature balding
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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