how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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