I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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