Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
