last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
