i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize