I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
