The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
