Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
