Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
