Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
