i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
