there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Randomize
