Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
