i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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