I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
