ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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