Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
