He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Randomize
