woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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