i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Randomize
