My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
