Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Randomize