That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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