i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
