Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
