Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
