Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
