My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I think I sprained my soul last night
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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