He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
