you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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