anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
