Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
