Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Randomize
