Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
