Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Terrible idea I love it
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
