Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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