also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
smell my finger.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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