Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
