you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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