a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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