I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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