as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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