the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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