God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Randomize
