So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
