I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
