Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
