If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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