Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
