Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
