Well douche your snatch and let's go!
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
