Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Randomize
