I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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