Your mouth is God's brothel.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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