sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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